I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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