Please, let me fuck your mom
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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