Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
They have beer where we have blood.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
