My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
