whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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