I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
