he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
