God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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