i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
