There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
