He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
