this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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