Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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