Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
