our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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