I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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