I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
