That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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