2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
