just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
