I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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