There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just blew my weed a kiss
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
