She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
