you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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