So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
