Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
