I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
