Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
