are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
