found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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