I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
