My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
