does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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