My liver just broke up with me...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
