She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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