You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
