Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
