she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
