Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
