You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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