i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
