She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
