fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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