Why does Corona taste like a burp?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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