Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
