I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You ate ashes out of my bong
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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