if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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