I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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