Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
