No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
