I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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