words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
