he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
