Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
