can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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