I CAN MOONWALK!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
